Be like water.

“You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend.”

This Bruce Lee quote has served me well in life. It’s especially been helpful to me in my new role as a mother. I have always craved bodies of water. I have loved going to the ocean, not only to submerge myself but also just to observe it in it’s natural state. I could watch waves come and go, and feel my own anxieties release. This practice has always been able to calm me, nurture me, call me towards something bigger than myself, and strip me down to the essentials until only the raw-true-most vulnerable parts of me remain. The waves teach me lessons that only they could. They rise and crash, come and go, resist nothing, hold on to nothing. And when the waves settle, the water returns to itself, not phased and still. It goes back to stillness, and it keeps its stillness always. We are this way too, beyond the waves, the highs and lows of being human, we have a soul that is ever still. Ever at peace.

So, you see, I have always needed the ocean, and I created one just for myself, when I had my baby girl. My daughter’s name is Darya. It means “the sea” in Farsi. Bruce Lee says to be like water. And I will try, always, to be more like the [Darya].

This quote reminds me that water resists nothing, it simply adapts to it’s circumstances. As a mom, being able to adapt to the circumstances that arise and let go of the desire for perfection and just let go, in general, means being able to be present with my baby and patient when things don’t go my way. Perfection has never served me well, and the aiming for it, to be the best mom, the best wife, has not served me well either. Aiming for the intangible is ridiculous and at best, foolish. I’ve decided to give up on the quest to be the perfect mom, but rather to be the best mom I can be. To enjoy the moments with my daughter as they pass me rapidly, without getting lost in my own insecurities. The best moments as a mom are often ones that come from letting go. Laughing in moments that make you want to cry (she’s at this stage where she spits out her food and throws it to the ground and start’s laughing.) I know I have a lot of cleaning up to do and I really want her to eat, but maybe I can laugh with her. She’s being silly. She’s exploring her world. Its a precious time and so its okay not all meal times will go smoothly, not all naps will be long, I just remind myself to become like the Darya, I will be easy, I will flow, I won’t resist.

I’ll let go. I’ll go back to the stillness that is both her, and I. I’ll let the moments come and go without judgement. I’ll be like Darya.

X,

Leila

 

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