Is your breath happy?

August 22, 2016.Reading time 4 minutes.

This past weekend I had the chance to go away for a short weekend getaway with one of my good girlfriends. Her and I always get into very [below the surface] type of conversations which I LIVE FOR. For me, the whole range of emotions we feel as human beings is beautiful, raw, and meant to be experienced fully. I am grateful to come into contact with others who are just as emotionally raw, passionate, and wild in spirit. She happens to be one of them. It was also the first time I spent time both away from husband and daughter! I wasn’t far at all but I realized how just necessary it is. To carve out time for yourself is really powerful for you in your day to day life. You arrive at each morning a little bit refreshed and able to conquer, with a little more strut in your step, and more strength..everywhere. Add that in there with time with a good girlfriend, and you’ve got yourself a pretty good deal.

The past weekend got me thinking a lot about relationships in general. To evaluate each experience and ask yourself if a relationship/experience serves you or not. How many relationships do we have in our lives that are built from obligation/history? and how many are there because we really feel truly connected, happy, and alive within it? That is not to say that it always has to be all or nothing. Not every person will be e v e r y t h i n g. People also play roles in your life and each comes with their own light + gifts, so that’s not what I mean. Deep down you know which spaces and places, which people, do not always serve your higher purpose, your higher good. Deep down we know the relationships that we are better saying goodbye to, the on the surface, sort of- shallow situations that often drain us, but we keep up with them anyway, because either our society or our culture or our insecurities beg of us to do so.

But regardless of how seducing some situations and people may be for us, there are questions we should ask ourselves when we are actively putting our energy into things. Energy is all that you have. It is the compass that sets you forward, lights the way when you feel lost. And it shouldn’t get clouded, foggy, disrupted. It should stay clear, bold, and translucent. There are questions to be asked and Nayyirah Waheed says it perfectly here:

“things that should be asked often. in every type. of relationship: how is your heart. is your breath happy. here. do you feel free?”

I hope you answer, yes. But I also hope you have the courage to rise up and away, if the answer is “no.”

Much love & light on this particular Monday,

My sun, My moon, & all my stars.

August 9, 2016.Reading time 6 minutes.

You guys, Darya turned O N E this past weekend and everything about it felt magical and emotional. I was actually surprised at how emotional it actually really made me. I found myself back tracking to the very first day of her life and those first few raw months of being a mom and how much I had grown from that first day. How much this tiny little human has taught me about myself and about what it means to live in LOVE. With. Everything. She is, to me, the meaning of unconditional unwavering undramatic love. And I want to give her the world.

We spent the day of her actual birthday just being together the three of us. And that was really sweet because it gave me the chance to actually absorb that it was her birthday instead of tending to guests and worrying about the decorations and etc etc. We were just in the moment with her that day and I loved every second of it.

We had our very closest family and friends celebrate with us on our rooftop here in Brooklyn the day after her birthday. And every vision that I had for her first birthday came to life. The birthday was “I Love Lucy” themed. I grew up on “I love lucy” being my favorite show and D actually ended up having the same birthday as Lucielle Ball, so it was only natural that we would take that route. The invitations read “We Love Darya” in a heart shaped balloon and the details to the party were written out on the balloon. Never mind that every detail of the party ended up changing including the date and location, but hey, that’s mom life right there, nothing is predictable. But I loved those invitations nevertheless and they set the tone for the party.

I was really happy for how the details came together. Thank you to BAKED in Brooklyn for the cake and cupcakes (LenasCakes for the heart fondant toppers), BK floral delight for her floral cake, Cakes by Danica for the heart shaped riced crispy treats, Sweet Paper Shop for the favor boxes, Harper Gray Design for the invitations, and to CarouselLane for her birthday hat. Most everything was heart-shaped and I really saw the vision I had in my mind come to life. Every part of the vision except for the one that she was pretty cranky the entire time! That definitely was not apart of the plan, but I get it, its so overwhelming for the kiddies. Heck, its overwhelming for the adults. So many people. So many noises. So much and too much of e v e r y t h i n g overwhelms their senses. Even when we took some family photos she was crying, which is not really like her, and at that point my friend Bitz started singing “It’s my birthday I can cry if I want to, cryyyy if I want to” so I sang it with her and rocked Darya back & forth. It was yet another exercise in letting go. She is a person, my little person, and she has her ups and downs. All in all though, she did great.

Thank you to our friends and family for really being just the greatest group of people on this planet. I would be nowhere if not for them. Darya is blessed to have so many loving family members around her. She [and I] are also so blessed to have so many strong women around that come in the form of my very best friends. Honestly, I am beyoooooond grateful for each one of them. One of the things that I have been so conscious of this past year of motherhood was to still maintain my life outside of the role of just mom + wife. My girlfriends are women I know I could not live without and I need my daughter to be surrounded by strong, powerful, beautiful, loving role models like them. She is so lucky to have them in her life, they serve as my sisters and hers, as well. Ladies, never underestimate the power of good girlfriends. Maintain those relationships regardless of your relationship status. Good friends are e v e r y t h i n g. And it may be hard work to make time for your girls and go out with your girls when you’re a mama, but I promise it’s worth it and I promise you need it now more than ever. They will keep you strong, they will make you a better woman, which in turn makes you a better mama.

Lastly, happy birthday, my bebe Darya. Thank you for being you. I’m so proud of you for who you already are, and can’t wait to see who you continue to become as you evolve and as we evolve together. Baba + I love you oh so very much.